Today’s the day E is going for another testing, time passes so slow, so much anxiety... however these last two months, our relationship with her grown even closer than before.. Maybe other than trey, C and me, she hardly had anyone else to turn to for her problems or to even talk about it. From this, it really dawned onto me that people didn’t really understand how Aids really works and how it might be spread from one to another. Gosh, in any case, why one would wants to know unless they have been playing outside too much. Oh well, I guess if it didn’t happen to my best friend, E, but someone else, I might still have only a shallow understanding of Aids.. Since, in general, we all know we will never get affected by it, so it is kept outside the boundaries of our comfort zone.

Managed to clear up some of the doubts with E.. Finally had the guts to ask her the so many questions I had on my mind, the so many why, the how, the what about she and her ex….. Phew, it wasn’t easy u know, getting started then getting into the topic, sometimes just felt I might said the wrong thing.

Love is really a tangling thing uh, well she told me that she still couldn’t get over her Ex even after being with C and she could not pass the chance of meeting him when he called even thou it’s just a drink, temptations, void, silly gal I’d say. But what can I do, I love her… and so dinner turned to drinks and drinks turned to bed and that was how it all happened.. I can feel her regrets as she unfolds the story to me, tears in the eyes, holding my hand tightly as she speaks, clearly, she needed someone.
She assured me thou that it was only for that one time and C knew nothing about it, she was remorseful about it afterwards, but really, who wouldn’t pity though, they are both not together anymore, he couldn’t swallow the fact that E cheated on him, for one I knew, aids was not much of C’s concern, really, it was about the cheating and she could have tell him, and he wouldn’t mind, he just have to pick her up after the dinner, things would be okie. Being cheated, maybe being a carrier of aids, C was still pretty much concerned about E, he would still sms me for updates on E.. and he’s pretty cooled and for some, I choose to think he forgave E already. Ugh, got to remember to inform him about E’s results.. sure he would be anxious about it, of course who doesn’t want to be alright and safe.

My phone RANG... it was trey. He asked me about E, told him I’ve got no news yet. He told me to remember my meals and that he would call me later. Sweet sweet Trey...

Yes, we are still together. It has been nearly 3 months but it felt like he has known me forever... is this normal? (roll eyes) I feel so lucky with him around. Always being understanding and being there for me whenever I need him, well most of the times... aww. What a lucky girl I am.. And the thing that I beam with pride of our relationship is our willpower. Both of us agreed that this should be the way to go and A is what we should be practicing.
(A for abstinence from our sex Ed class)

Called E.

Me: "Where are you?"

E: "On my way to the clinic. Oh man I hope this can all be over.. in a positive way."

Me: "It’s going to be fine. Don’t worry. Call me when u find out alright."

I’m SO WORRIED...
Got an sms from E.. " + ". My heart sank.. it really ended in a positive way. But not the kind of positive we hoped for. I called E immediately and all I could hear were her quiet sobs.. She was still at the clinic. Rushed down immediately to find her in a room alone. I gave her a big long hug and her sobs turned into loud wailing..

"WHY ME!! WHY ME!!" Was all she said. I was so at lost. Couldn’t control it but tears started to roll down my cheeks. All I could do now was to lend her my shoulder and whatever support that she needed.

"I will be there for you. I promise. No matter what happens. You’ve got to hang in there and be strong. Remember that we read about the medicines that can be taken to prolong the time before HIV turns into AIDS. E, promise me that you will get through this all right?" she just continued crying and hugged me even closer. We were then given advice from the doctor about what means we can seek help from.

The trip back to her home was a long and quiet one. E decided not to break the news to her parents first and to wait till she is more prepared before telling them. Well it’s her choice, I would also be fearful about what my parents would say if I ever told them I had aids. I was with her as she cried herself to sleep. Lying on the bed was this girl who seemed so innocent and child like. One would never guess such a misfortune has befallen upon her. Gave her a kiss on the forehead and left quietly.

Looked for trey and had a long cry. He didn’t say a word, just gently stroking my hair and squeezing my hands. Makes me feel that I’m in a safe heaven I’m glad I had this strong pillar of support. Without him I fear I might not be able to handle this situation as well as I could now. Wonder how C is going to respond when he hears the result.

Me: "Hey C, E’s results are in.. its positive."

C: "That slut."

He hung up the phone after that not giving me a chance to say another word. Guess that his worst nightmare has come true. Can’t blame him for being angry, if only they had taken more care.. The worst has happened. More and more uncertainties have arisen from this. But I hope that E would be strong. I can only pray.

Months later…

Well E has turned out to be an even stronger girl than I thought she would be. Instead of being negative about the whole crisis, she lived with more drive, and cautiousness.
She told me that HIV was like a wake-up call. Telling her that she needed to take her life, body, and health, a lot more seriously. She doesn’t let the virus stop her because it's not the end of the world. She stood up to all the criticisms and nasty remarks that were passed about her. Rather than living in sadness and self blame, she came forward to share her story to many others that were faced with the same position and also going to schools sharing with other students her age of what she learnt about living with hope and peace in the midst of these terrible circumstances. I’m so proud of her..


Get involved with Jesse and Trey today @ www.notsosecretlives.com

Birthday Boy (*ahhua)

(*rena ruicai me)

(*ahhua xiaohui)

(*ahkong rena ruicai me)

(*jackie weiwen rena)

(*jackie xiaohui)

(*xiaohui weiwen)

(*ruicai bekah)

(*ahhua rena)

(*____ alan ahhua)

(*ahjack)

(*the 6 brothers)

• start saving money
• be useful
• have a healthly lifestyle

birthday song birthday bash!

after bathing! headed to party world :) end this happy day with a happy picture!

THANKS: desmond, renmei, ahhua(bro), sweefong, rena, cheryl, leon, sean, bekah, tommy, chunzhi, mango, huilian.

THURSDAY, 16-10-08
Accompany rena to collect her phone at taka, had yoshinoya for dinner, headed to kbox, twice this week, enough liao! after singing, waited for ruicai(rena's cousin) to finished work, went back home tgt :)

P.S : i'll be enlisted to civil defence force on 7 april 2009!

welcome to the tattoo stall :)

show me your coupons!

choose a design -.-

there you go!!!

the cute lil girl who wants the tattoo on the face :)

home sweet home!!

back to admiralty! had KFC for dinner, met desmond awhile, back home, vomitted all the stuff i ate! seriously, i need an doctor :(
school starting tmr, miss joey, welcome me back :D

p.s : anyone got window xp disk for lappy to lend me !